Thanks, Jackie, for hooking all this up!

See you there!

Well, at least he (or she) calls it like he (or she) sees it...

I don't like "The Man Show" but I do like Adam Carolla.

These are our rules!

Please note… these are all numbered "1" . On purpose!
 
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.  You're a big girl.  If it's up, put it down.  We need it up, you need it down.  You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports...it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
· Subtle hints do not work!
· Strong hints do not work!
· Obvious hints do not work!
· Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem  only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.  Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.  Not both.  If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as cars, sports or women.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.  Round is a shape!

Thank you for reading this.  Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight… but did you know men really don't mind that?  It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh…

Sometimes I wonder about my life. And not the good kind of wondering about the magic of possibilities, but the band kind of "what the hell am I doing?".

2 years ago, VOD Cars ran this Super Bowl Special. I figured that not many people had seen it and we should resurrect is for Fast Lane Daily. You know, "Go Eat a Turkey" or something... really easy. Ian could have a day off and Derek D. could go see his family (assuming they have not disowned him.

Well, it didn't quite work out that way and, well, the guys decided that they'd rather work than take the easy road out and we're left with this steaming pile of... funny:

Who is this tool?

That's Jon Jackson.

The guy next to him on the left with the green shirt is a very famous guy, Elwood Edwards.

Elwood Edwards is an American voice over actor. He is best known as the voice of the Internet service provider America Online, which he first recorded in 1989. His greetings include "Welcome," "You've got mail," "You've got pictures," "File's done," and "Goodbye." In 1989, Edwards's wife overheard online service Q-Link CEO Steve Case describe how he wanted to add a voice to its user interface. In October Edwards's voice premiered on AOL's new program.
His voice has also appeared in an episode of The Simpsons (where he provided the voice of a virtual doctor, saying "You've got leprosy" and "Goodbye"), and in advertising for the movie You've Got Mail.

American Television

This is the hostess for an American TV talk show...

To learn Italian, may we suggest Rosetta Stone.

You coming?

You can follow along here.

CLK DTM



Black Aston Martin DBS



Ferrari 599 in Heritage Colors



The World's First Hybrid



Trying not to vomit on the Reventon



1, please!



Revised Mannetino



"Do you come with the car?"



F430 Scuderia

For me, it never really made sense. First of all, from the earliest of ages in the secular Christian schools we attended (which I'm not complaining about), we were not really allowed to talk about our differences. We were focused on our similarities and the things that joined us all in the brotherhood of man. We did not celebrate our diversity. I think all of that homogenization of culture was a side effect of really focusing on race equality, which we learned in the form of tolerance. But shouldn't that have been acceptance? Second, no one from our family would brave the 9 hour flight from JFK to... anywhere on the other side of the Atlantic. Italy is not Mars. You can go there. Rather easily. So if we're not gonna make the effort to go have a look around and experience it first hand it cannot be that important. Third, there's really no data on what thing were like for the family back in the old country. At least not that I have access to. And if they hopped on a boat to leave, things could not have been all that great. So why are we remembering hardships with fondness? Next, how come the family construct does not reiterate what we learned in school? Shouldn't we be proud to be Americans like so many country & western crooners suggest? Finally, the manifestation of Italian culture in the United States has lead to some really ridiculous things. Things that I see no sign of here. Which pleases me to no end. So, as you can see, nationalization and heritage for me has been the clouded by many mixed signals.

Whatever.

In any event, I've realised during this most recent trip to Italy, several things about Italy that I wish I learned sooner. Allow me to share them here with you:

10: Slow Down. Getting there is half the fun, so take your time. If you need your coffee to go, you're doing it wrong. If a 3 hour meal is a problem, you're with the wrong people or your priorities are off-balance. True, these are the same people that bring some of the fastest cars in the world, but that didn't come by not taking time to stop and enjoy all the small moments of life.

9: There are no Green White and Red mylar anything. I hate going to Little Italy. Only because of the gaudy and tacky American-designed Italian iconography. In America, when you think of Italian design you think of expensive clothes and cheap Green White and Red banners, streamers, and stickers shaped like "the boot". I'm pleased to say that none of that iconography exists in Italy and you're quickly reminded of classical architecture, contemporary design, sculpture, leather, marble, and God.

8: Happiness is not being Italian. Happiness is being. Sit down. Enjoy your figs. Take comfort in the rain. Engulf the vista. Don't stress that the boat is late. If you don't do it today, you can do it tomorrow. Have a coffee. Don't worry about it. Experience your passion. Learn your art. Craft your mind and your soul. Work hard. Live richly. But do it all to be happy.

7: The letter 'R' really is missing. One of the few things that I dislike about being New York is the way we speak. Well, the way some of us speak. In italy, just like New York, they tend to omit the letter R from words unless it's really, really important... and then it's the focus of the whole word. It's odd, but you'll know wnat I'm talking about when you experience it...

6: Seafood is ok. I'm not one to order fish at an Italian restaurant. It just doesn't work well in the United States... at least in the butter-infused, red-sauce-laden. franchese-based places I used to frequent as "Italian cuisine". (That was before I met Noto). After this trip, I cannot imagine eating anything but the most amazing seafood from Italian restaurants.

5: Italy is not really a country. I mean, it is technically, but the regions are so individualized that not even food means the same thing from place to place. Bolognese in Bologna is very different than Bolognese in Naples. Go to a bunch of different places and get some pizza, You'll really be surprised at just how different things can be from place to place... (This is not just limited to food. It also applies to traffic laws, television, signs, shoe sizes, prices... everything.)

4: Masonry is important. I have a few friends in New York who are Masons. They talk alot about practicing the craft. When you look around the country from big cities like Rome, Genoa, and Naples to small towns like Capri, Furore, and Praiano, you see the sheer power of the masons of old. And what they must have meant to the generations that came before.

3: Listening skills are overrated. I used to think that it was my parents that didn't listen. Then, I thought it applied to my whole family. Then, I figured it was all Italians. And you know what? I'm wrong. It's not that people don't listen, it's that they want you to have better for yourself. "Do you want one of these figs?" someone might ask. "No thanks." you might say, having already eaten 2. "Here, take..." will be the reply. Not because they're not listening, but because they want better for you than you want for yourself. Or that would be the theory.

2: The "P" word: Passion. It's all about passion. Ferrari spends a lot of time talking about passion and you can see it in what they do. In Italy, if you're going to do something, you better be passionate about it and if you have no passion for something, don't do it. Passion is present almost everywhere in Italy. You can see it everywhere, and when it's not... you really see it.

1: Italian Drivers Do It Right. I've been to a few places across the globe and seen some pretty screwed up traffic scenarios and interesting driving conditions. In Italy, they do it right. Follow these rules and you'll drive like a pro in Italy: 1) What's behind you is not important. 2) The pedestrians will move out of your way. 3) If it's bigger than you, it has the right of way. 4) Be mindful of restaurants in the right lane. (No really. In Positano, the right lane of the low-road has a RESTAURANT in it.)

Another meeting in my kitchen.


Fleeing from the beach traffic...


Leaving Edward's Airforce Base

Don't worry, friends. If you're still having activation problems, I've got some hints and tips for you. Get your order number from iTunes and let your fingers do the walking:

• First of all, the iPhone activation hotline is +1 (877) 800 3701. Don't call that number. You're likely to be on hold for a VERY long time before anyone ever answers. And they won't tell you anything except to "Keep waiting."


• To check the status of the transfer of a phone number using the automated system, call +1 (888) 898 7685 punch in the number you're waiting on. It'll tell you in almost plain English where your number is in the transfer process.


• AT&T's got a semi-secret 1-Ring-to-Answer customer service number. That number is +1 (877) 419 4500. They're very friendly. But not hugely informative.


• The mother-lode is the Synchronos Center. These are the people that know what's going on. Has your old carrier released the number? Has the activation hit the network? Has there been some snafu along the way? They know it all. +1 (877) 800 3701. Then hit option 3.

.

Without further pontification, from the home office in West Hempstead NY, the Top Ten things I will NOT miss from the days of my Motorola Razors...

10: Always being asked if it's "ok" to go online.

9: Always being informed, with great delay, how many bytes were transferred after going online.

8: Slow to respond number entry when trying to dial. How hard is this to make work right?

7: Having to press the center button 6 times to get to my inbox.

6: Waiting for Java. (Memo to Sun: Give it up.)

5: "Message Too Long! Message Truncated!" Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...

4: WAP Decks controlled by "the man".

3: Expensive replacement cartridges (Oh wait, that's what I'll NOT miss about Gilette Razor...)

2: iTap. iHate you.

1: Unbearably slow call waiting controls.

Follow the Saga:

http://www.jalopnik.com

http://www.gumball144.com

http://www.bullrun2007.com]]>emil@rensing.comHumor2007-04-23T11:01:38-04:00http://www.rensing.com/files/d2e8f856fc12670bfc0a167dfe4abd7e-78.html#unique-entry-id-78http://www.rensing.com/files/d2e8f856fc12670bfc0a167dfe4abd7e-78.html#unique-entry-id-78]]>emil@rensing.comHumor2007-04-02T10:00:33-04:00http://www.rensing.com/files/11c105cd56089c9e1b8614c2bcc50f71-77.html#unique-entry-id-77http://www.rensing.com/files/11c105cd56089c9e1b8614c2bcc50f71-77.html#unique-entry-id-77

On Saturday, March 31st 60 of Ferrari's customers in the Northeast met at Tavern on the Green in New York City for a Relay to Washington DC. We had a police escort through New York City, a leisurely drive to the Winterthur Estate in Delaware, a second leisurely drive through to Embassy Row and finally a wonderful reception at the Italian Embassy in Washington DC.

This was a great event. I met a great group of owners (owners that actually DRIVE their cars). And had a few laughs along the way...

After the reception, David, Ally, Jessy, and I went to Bebo in Crystal City. I was shocked to find one of the most amazing restaurants I've ever been to in an area that was kind of nothing when I last lived in DC.

Thanks to:

• Ferrari Maserati of Central New Jersey
• Detailing Dynamics
• Ferrari North America
• Ambassador Giovanni Castellaneta and the Italian Embassy
• Roberto Donna and Bebo
• The Four Seasons
• Jackie Bailey

• e46 Fanatics (for breaking up their photo)
• The Quilting Group at Winterthur (I thought it was an oil rag)
• The Secret Service (Who knew you guys wrote speeding tickets?)
• Cellular 911 Operators of the North East (I wasn't even there)
• Detailing Dynamics (The car is in need of treatment...)